Somewhere In Between.

You know what’s so great about reaching the point between Pessimism and Optimism? It’s the balance; the neutral state of mind.

I have been suffering from Social Anxiety and a few things that fall under General Anxiety from as long as I can remember. As a child, it had a terrifying impact on my personality hence I was known to most as the creative, shy and quiet girl. My palms would mostly be sweaty and I couldn’t even sum up the courage to go to a shop to buy something on my own. To top it off, I never really got a chance to make good friends in school.

I saw college as a chance to start over and it worked. Mainly because I had made up my mind to apply those changes. Couldn’t have been possible had the intent, will and determination to do so had not been there.

During my professional life, in my earlier twenties, I was the perfect image of a young, ambitious and hard working lady. Once there, I made some major mistakes again that brought out all the weaknesses again. For some time I blamed the selfish people around me but then I had to admit to my self that I would, once again, need to make the changes within me to see the changes I wanted to see outside.

Again, with will power and an honest assessment of my self, I managed to change my profession altogether and branched out to something I love doing. I have been content since the past 5 years because my work makes me happy. The change of profession definitely got rid of the toxic people in the past life but also introduced me to new ones, however, with much experience at hand I was able to identify them easily and was too drained out to tolerate the bull shit and actually had the guts to stand in a corner alone and happy with my head held high. I love my work and that was enough to keep me satisfied. That’s when, one by one, the non toxic people slowly came up to me and my zero circle became one big happy family.

I am now, again at a point where I can feel my balance wavering a little towards the negative side. ┬áBut you know, I am not disappointed with my self this time. I am human and this is life. We’re all supposed to go through highs and lows. It’s how we tackle them and how we come out as heroes.

Yes, we need to be the heroes in our own lives. Every one has a struggle. I have been blessed with yet another one this time but that’s ok. Most of the things in the past were self created and I had to come out of it my self. After a month of dealing with this current issue at hand, I can again see that it was all self created and upon learning yet another lesson, I am now working again towards improving my self.

At the moment, I am loving the fact that I did not break down in to tears and could bring my self to sit back and see where I went wrong this time. And I just know that the solution is somewhere within me. I just need to find it.

Has any one of you ever suffered with OCD or Anxiety attacks? And how did you guys manage to help your selves out?